The Fairy Secret Diaries
by Wonk
Summary: The Fairy Tale Version of the Very Secret Diaries. What was really going on in their minds? Is Fairy Dust really that shiny?
1. Little Red Riding Hood

Summary: The Fairy Tale Version of the Very Secret Diaries. What was really going on in their minds? Is Fairy Dust really that shiny? First up, Little Red Riding Hood. R&R! No flames please.

Disclaimer: Fairy Tales are old classics and belong to everyone. The genius that is the Very Secret Diaries (for Lord of the Rings) sadly does not belong to me.

**The Fairy Secret Diaries**

_The Diary of Little Red Riding Hood_

**Day One**

Mum gave me picnic basket and red cape.

I think she's going to pawn me off to wealthy businessmen.

Stupid Mum

**Day Two**

Am going to Grandma's.

Odd name for wealthy businessman.

Must discuss this with him when I get there.

V. nervous.

**Day Three**

Okay, found out it's my real grandmother.

I fail to see the humour in this.

Slightly disappointed.

**Day Four**

Found pretty flowers!

Yay me!

**Day Five**

It gets cold at night, sleeping on the road. A hare took a liking to me. Scared it away with Mum's five-day-old egg salad sandwich.

Basket becoming rancid. Left it on side of road. 

**Day Six**

Very hungry. No food.

Must resort to pretty flowers.

**Day Seven**

Thinking Mum was trying to get me out of the house. Shouldn't take this long to get to Grandma's.

Flowers not v. tasty.

**Day Eight**

Pretty flowers gone. Grass poor alternative.

Am afraid I will have to resort to asking for directions.

**Day Nine**

Met nice wolf. He got me more flowers to eat. Much tastier than the others.

Complimented my cape.

Thinking he might believe I'm something I'm not.

**Day Ten**

Tried special cape powers after climbing tree.

I cannot fly.

**Day Eleven**

Ran into wolf again. He calls me "Little Red Riding Hood". 

Am slightly scared.

**Day Twelve**

Arrived at Grandma's. Wolf disappeared.

No one home. Will sleep in garden.

**Day Thirteen**

Was attacked by savage slugs in garden. They ate my non-magical cape.

Am v. sad.

§

Wolf is Grandma. I am ashamed.

Mum will nag me for not knowing my relatives.

**Day Twelve**

Grandma ate me. Am thinking wolf may not be real grandmother.

§

Okay, found real Grandma.

Ew.

**Day Thirteen**

Hot in here. Keep ramming my knee into something made of glass and filled with liquid.

Someone has a drinking problem.

V. hungry. No flowers to eat.

**Day Fourteen**

Was rescued by virile woodcutter man. I had no cape to flaunt, v. sad. He seemed to like Grandma.

Hussy.

Oh yeah, wolf's dead.

§§§

Yeah...nothing's as good as the original diaries (even though this isn't Lord of the Rings). But please review anyway! 


	2. Little Pig Number 3

_The Diary of Little Pig #3_

**Day One**

Built house out of bricks.

Not very comfortable.

Should have built house out of Jell-o.

**Day Two**

Brick house very boring color.

Decided to paint it puce.

**Day Three**

Home shop ran out of colors to make puce.

Had to settle on sunshine yellow.

**Day Four**

Am now blinded.

**Day Five**

Youngest brother eaten by wolf in house made of straw. 

Pity he couldn't go in style.

**Day Six**

Still blinded.

**Day Seven**

Am forced to walk around house with eyes closed. Bumped into iron rod.

No need for roast pig tonight.

**Day Eight**

Bought new magenta paint. Now feel like I'm trapped in a giant eggplant.

Then argued with myself about how eggplant is a different color entirely.

Bricks making me senile. Should have gone with straw.

**Day Nine**

Other brother died. 

Sticks not as sturdy as rumoured.

**Day Ten**

Wolf soooooo does not have asthma. Am slightly jealous.

V. bored.

Ordered cheese.

**Day Eleven**

Cheese hasn't come.

V. sad.

**Day Twelve**

Wolf is here, insists that I invite him in for tea.

I opened door, he saw magenta and refuses to come in. V. disappointed, I am lonely. He said he would wait for me outside.

It's dirty out there.

I refuse to come out.

Knew I should have stuck with sunshine yellow.

**Day Thirteen**

Wolf making odd huffing noises and keeps insisting that he's going to blow my house down. Didn't know that anyone could hate magenta that much.

Touchy.

**Day Fourteen**

I honestly don't care if the wolf's hungry.

He's still sitting out there.

Well, _someone_ doesn't have a life.

**Day Fifteen**

I'm starting to wonder if this is the wolf that ate my brothers.

Nah…couldn't be.

**Day Sixteen**

Thing won't go away. I want to go buy new paint.

Cheese came!

**Day Seventeen**

Wolf ate cheese. V. sad.

But he went away, and said he's never coming back! Yay!

Must order more cheese.


	3. Cinderella

All right! Another one! Um...hope you like it.

_The Diary of Cinderella_

**Day One**

Daddy got married. New mum needs facelift.

Suggested Botox, she threw dishes at me.

Don't like new mum v. much. 

**Day Two**

Met new sisters. Just as ugly as Mum, but less wrinkles. 

They probably have already gotten Botox injections.

New Mum must have hard time conforming to technology.

**Day Three**

Sisters found diary.

Sentenced to one hundred years of chore duty.

Daddy died. 

Bad day.

**Day Four**

Looked in mirror.

Am v. pretty, besides the layers and layers of dirt and the fact that only my dust-irritated eyes are visible above the dust rag tied around face.

Yes, v. pretty.

**Day Five**

Found out I have gift of talking to animals.

Birds told me they hated me.

Am v. hurt.

**Day Six**

Hurt feeling worn off.

I love everything.

**Day Seven**

Sister told me that mice left presents in my bed.

V. touched.

§

Ooh! Candy!

**Day Eight**

Wasn't candy.

Don't feel very well.

**Day Nine**

Feel better.

I love everything!

**Day Ten**

Ugly guy came announcing ball.

Shiny vest, though.

Shiiiny…

**Day Eleven**

Asked ugly mum if I could go to ball.

She said I could if I got own dress.

Must make dress.

§

Found rags in bucket.

§

Sewed them. Brown is a pretty color.

**Day Twelve**

Jealous sisters ruined dress.

V. sad. 

**Day Thirteen**

Shiny lady gave me dress, shoes, and turned my prize pumpkin into carriage. Slightly upset about pumpkin, but shoes pretty. Dress not as good as last one, but it's thought that counts. 

Better rush off to ball now. Have to be back at midnight.

**Day Fourteen**

Met guy. Fell in love.

…Don't know what his name is.

For reference sake, I'll just call him Fran.

That's a guy's name, right?

**Day Fifteen**

Forgot to mention that I forgot the time and ran away from ball. Yup…shoe gone. Dress gone too. Before I knew it, I was standing naked on side of road clutching pumpkin. Shiny lady forgot to give me dress back. 

Not fun. Couldn't hitchhike. 

**Day Sixteen**

Ugly guy with shiny vest showed up on doorstep, holding my shoe. Thought it disappeared, v. surprised. 

Guess I'm getting married to Fran. Who knew he was prince?

Must talk him into painting castle brown. Gold very drab color.

******

Please Review! 


	4. Wolf

  


_The Diary of Wolf_

** Day One**

I smell meat.

**Day Two**

Ooh…girl meat.

**Day Three**

Coming closer.

**Day Five**

Found girl meat. Quite pretty, but flower eating rather unattractive.

Too skinny. Must find her more flowers.

**Day Six **

Girl left.

V. sad.

**Day Seven**

Saw her again, munching on daisy! Told me she was going to Grandma's house. Must get there before she does. 

Little Red Riding Hood…hot name.

**Day Eight**

No one home, hiding out back. Red sleeping in garden, will wait for old lady to come home.

§

Grandma came home. Kind of bony, had to swallow liquor bottle. Woman wouldn't let go.

**Day Nine**

Red came in. Thinks I'm grandmother.

Flowers have made her quite dense.

**Day Ten**

Couldn't stand her mindless floundering. Ate girl.

Human meat too fatty, feel flabby.

**Day Eleven**

Cut open by virile woodcutter man. Died.

**Day Twelve**

Came back to life. Butt much firmer. Must die more often.

Smell pork.

**Day Thirteen**

Found pig shacked up in straw house. Stupidity not so tasty. Must find more.

**Day Seventeen**

Been searching for more pig. Found one in house of sticks. Tackiness must run in family.

Still not that great. Craving not satisfied.

**Day Twenty**

Found house made of bricks. Thought pig had style until he opened door, walls painted magenta. He must know it's my least favorite color. Must not go in. Must not.

**Day Twenty-One**

Self control failing. Magenta evil. Sitting outside pig's house. Waiting. Stomach growling.

**Day Twenty-Two**

Tried to blow it down like last two. Passed out.

I hate magenta.

**Day Twenty-Three**

Getting very bored.

**Day Twenty-Six**

Been sitting outside for five days. Starting to wonder if this was worth it. Cannot walk into house. Eyes will die. 

Die, magenta, die.

I smell cheese.

**Day Twenty-Seven**

Found cheese, pig craving satisfied. Must leave to cause more chaos. 

DOWN WITH MAGENTA!

*********

Erm....yeah. Please review. 


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